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Wednesday, November 25, 2009
i relooked at all the presents i received and kept from secondary school this morning, and it set me into a pensieve mood. they were mainly qihang presents, some xubie presents, some birthday presents, and a lot, a lot of letters. i felt childish looking at the conversations i had in the past, things that i was bothered about, and the presents which i gave others(i kept some of the extras). i was so stupid! i felt like burying my head in the ground even though there wasnt anyone here to scrutinise me but myself. nevertheless, i had a great time reminiscing about the past. it was a journey i was thankful for. i never really cherished my time till i reached sec4 and had niwangheisidai, as well as the 3 si dang i had in class. it wasnt too late at that point of time, but when i dug out my stuff just now, i realised i had lost (or rather drifted from) too many people whom i could have treasured and kept in good contact till now. there are three people whom i exceptionally feel a sense of remorse for not being a better friend to. just want to say here, though none of you might ever read this, that i do remember the times we had and have put them in the bottom of my heart, even though i didnt really express anything and didnt bother much to catch up.. jiayi i was a childish junior, my goodness. i didnt know i actually kept all the letters we exchanged when i was in sec1. there were really a lot!! looking at those letters, i cannot imagine that we never became good friends eventually. actually i guess we were never really close as friends, i always looked onto you as a mentor, a senior that i was honoured to be acquainted with then. i laughed when you asked me in one letter if the rumours that i liked you were true. looking back i guess the people that spread the rumour had a point; i think i kinda looked up to you as an idol lol. in my impression, you were (and are) always the much more mature person than me even though you were only a year older (a few months if you are ngiao haha). i am glad i had you to listen to my rants about the stupid things that happened to me in sec 1, and gave me loads of advice too. we always wanted to go on an outing, but we never achieved it haha! abit ke xi that we werent that close anymore after 2004, even when i entered lishihui and we had xiaopin and tingkanbieshuo in 2006. there was just barrier between us that kept us from communicating more than work stuff. been in the same school with you for 4 years but :/ never used the opportunity to make the friendship work. nevertheless, i just want you to know that you played a part in my sn life, thanks and all the best for your future endeavours! monica tian tian mei. remember? it was so so so long ago. i must really apologise for the lack of initiative in keeping in contact, after you came back for good from qatar. my deepest and happiest memories with you still comes from the times in sec2charity when you came back to sn for awhile. those were really good times, and i was so sad when you left again! truly. all these years, your name has always been at the back of my mind, subconsciously stored under the 'impt friend' section. even till now. but i lacked the courage to catch up with you constantly because so many things have happened in your life which i have missed, and let it be. looking at the gifts i received from you, and the good luck for A level msg you sent out, i have indeed taken you for granted. not sure whether it is too late now, but i just want to tell you that i havent forgotten you, not at all. date me out someday if you see this...? :) i miss you. louisa hmm. i've left the hardest to say for the last. i dont know where to start. it's been long since i've talked to you. much longer than the two people mentioned above. actually i wonder how we became friends in the first place in sec1. we are obviously very different people, with super contrasting background, language, etc.. we were both stubborn, naive(in the past), and had all sorts of personality clashes that made it hard for anyone to believe that we were such close friends in sec 1. but we were. i remember the stupid times we fought; the whole class avoided us like nuclear bombs. it's funny to recall now... and we always reconciled and laughed about it after. it happened so many times in a year, i think we're pretty unique, haha. i remember you would bring an extra sausage for me in the mornings, and i would disturb you with your alarm tone(the pink phone haha -_-). i remember music lessons, dnt lessons, recess. i remember going to your house and see sniky lie flat on the ground like a carpet and how you always complained you were scared you would step on her. we had loads of memories just in the short year alone, before you went to purity (and breaking ur charity record) and we never talked again after awhile. i'm not sure why we stopped communicating... i dont remember us having any conflicts. it's just pure drift, and a scary one too. i've known myself to be a very passive person when it comes to maintaining friendships... and it has cost me a few precious ones, like yours. we are so different; it was a miracle we had such great memories together. as much as we may never ever return to the past or possibly talk again, i want you to know that i appreciated you as a friend. thanks for giving in your all into the friendship, it is your strength and i'm sure many people love you for it. these are things i always felt and never said.. not sure if you would see this but yepp. you get me, right? aye.. burden off my chest. i guess i need to learn to be proactive in this kind of things. aquarius people are said to be emotionally detached, but maybe for me it's merely a facade. but i am such a lousy friend. i miss liyi charmaine peiyi i miss xuezhen MUST LOOK FOR YALL!!! can't afford to lose yall too. im going crazy :( crazy after releasing too much all at the same time, haha. Saturday, November 14, 2009 more than half of my papers are over, i now have one paper next tues, two papers next next monday, then finally the last two papers on the 3rd and 4th. slacked the whole of today away and discovered that my body clock is really screwed cos it's 230 now and my brain is at its optimum. worried about the papers that are over but there's nothing i can do about them. i just know for sure that my GP is gone, gah. downfall of bad time management. and math! screw careless mistakes! i feel bored talking about exams but i realise my life is that boring now... studying, or rather 'studying' at the airport was fun, hahahha! growing water infants(haha) and all the thoughtful discussions/random gossip etc. at times like this it makes me feel that life is actually not as bad as what everyone perceives it to be :) i think i should force myself to go to bed. and anyone that's actually reading this, please do drop a hi at the tagboard! it is terribly dead. i miss the feeling of finding new msgs on my tag, gah! or maybe all the stat jumps on my page are contributed by strangers? :/ i miss entries in my guestbook :( Saturday, November 07, 2009 A's is in two days. haha. studied for two years, six years, twelve years just for these four weeks. but it seems like im just gonna let them pass like the wind.. what have i been freaking doing? :( the toughest part will be the first week. when it's over, my A's are practically over too. no being bothered by other people. when this week passes, i must know i have done my best. i do not care how others do. and i wont let others sway my thoughts. i hope i am ready. |
Clovergreen♥ There's more to things than you'll ever know, but I'm beginning to anticipate the unknown. Smile, because you are worth it. Tey Xiao Wei 08021991 NUS FASS Victoria Junior College CHIJ SN Aquarius Enthusiast Extreme 蘇打綠 Sodafan Designer : Chili. x o x o free web counter |